well, Alexandra, i don't know what exactly to say in reply to this...i just feel like this is all coming out of left field. but i will try to be the bigger person here and dutifully respond to the points you laid out in this email.
i mean hell, you say im not open enough with you so here is where i prove you wrong.
- you say i never listen. never listen? come one now. you've got to be pretty stupid to think that i never listen. maybe i just never listen to you.
- and please forgive my personal hygeine. yeah that too. if im such a dirt bag how come you dated me for so long? just because i dont compulsively douche after every meal (btw what is up with that anyway?) im less than you? for your information i take a shower every week whether i need it or not. whats the big deal anyways? did you know that back a hundred years ago or whatever people didnt have such an obsession with cleansing themselves of germs. people were more in tune with nature back then and germs are a part of nature. you always say that we should not distance ourselves from the world, that nature is our mother and a bunch of crap like that. so then why do you kill mother nature's germs, huh? that's right.
- you say i get distracted by tangents. hey did you know that lysol was invented as a douche? i suggest use it for that.
- a sense of humour you say? listen to me. you tell science jokes. science. jokes. nobody thinks theyre funny.
-i dontreally know you? bull. i know exactly what you throw out every day. my dad doesn't know when my mom is done with her old issues of "american quilter" but i do for you. you throw them out, on average, the third wednesday after you receive them.like i dont pay attention to you.
youre list was obviously just some ramblings regarding superficial "flaws" i have. you didnt try to balance it out, idiot. how is that fair? try something like this: alexandra, your singing voice makes me cringe, but you let me get back-door access. see what i did there? i was objective. i listed both a positive and a negative. see? that's how you deal with someone in an adult manner. duh.
i dont think you realize how much i love you. i thought i was gay until i met you because i never felt a real connection between me and any woman. but dont you see? it was always you. i was waiting for you all this time.
i am committed to you. you seem to think that i neglected you. i will have youknow that i had you under surveillance when i could afford it and i did the job myself when i couldnt. how's that for committed.
i dont know if this is the right time to tell you this but as old billy shakespeare said "the course of true love never did run smooth". i want you to never feel a single ounce of pain. that is why i have...acquired...this here baby for us. i read that childbirth hurts women what with their being so evil for eating a snake-apple. but you didnt eat a snake-apple so you dont deserve it. well i mean you deserve it if you have a baby but see? i got us one already. i already covered that for us. so it kinda means like we just hyper-accelerated our relationship by nine months!
every baby needs loving parents, even if it was smuggled in a shipping container and is missing a kidney.
whew.... that was cathartic. i think we are stronger for having gone through this. so here we stand and now that i have, in fact, proved you wrong on all counts i believe the rules state that you have to be my girlfriend again. as judge mills lane would say: adjourned!
love you,
angelo
XOXOXO
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