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Thursday, May 13, 2010

(I've Had It) Up 2 Here

A Numbered List of My Grievances With Society:

1. I'm not richer than most people.
2. I saw a dead body this morning (that was kinda cool actually).
3. I heard A Tribe Called Quest on a commercial for laundry detergent.
4. Everlast hasn't had a hit song in a while.
5. I don't get to hit people with Everlast boxing gloves very much.
6. Taxes.
7. You need to be in the army or something to have machine guns.
8. You need to have cancer to get medicinal marihuana.
9. I don't have cancer.
10. I'm not a member of a racial minority (unless of course you ask a white supremacist).
11. My Blackberry doesn't have a data plan.
12. Sarah Palin for President.
13. No nudie pictures of Sarah Palin.
14. Sarah Palin should get her breasts augmented.
15. Sarah Palin can't read and makes more money off her writing than I ever will.
16. I don't know Japanese.
17. Society doesn't like me blaming it for stuff.
18. Society wants everyone to have dumb haircuts.
19. Most people in Indiana have dumb haircuts.
20. HBO isn't a social service.
21. How do you get a job at Disney World? Like one of the good ones where you get to dress up like Peter Pan and shit?
22. You probably need a criminal background check for a job like that.
23. Food network. Why don't they just give me food instead of making me look at it those sick sons of bitches.
24. Open Carrying shouldn't just be a right- it should be LAW.
25. The Brady Bill.
26. Republicans.
27. The Tea Party - I'm sick and tired of those white old farts. They need to record themselves talking and play it back to themselves so they can realize how fucking stupid the shit that comes out of their mouths actually sounds. Have you ever heard yourself on a tape recorder? You probably think you sound dumb, don't you?
28. Reggae music - start playing a new song already.
29. Rock music - too loud.
30. Penis envy - if women are so upset that they ain't got one, why don't they put out a lot more?
31. Thai politics have really been irking me. I'm not good with color coded political strife.
32. Taliban. Back in 2001 I thought I'd never end up knowing how to spell that word.
33. MIA's anti-Gingerkid video. I mean, why kill only the male Gingerkids? I think both genders should be exterminated if we really want to rid humanity of the dreaded Gingergene.
34. Premarital sex: it's so hot it takes all the fun out of lovemaking. Sex should be cold, fat and wrinkled.
35. Pomegranates.
36. Non alcoholic beer.
37. People who right dictionaries.
38. The W.H.O.
39. Independent publishers.
40. President Obama (good guy, I just covet his wife a little bit. She's very tall.)

Well I hope the so-called "powers-that-be" get a load of this and shape things up for the future. And by the future I don't mean children, I mean like Ken and I for this weekend.


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