Hey Angelo: WTF

SPOKANE - This Islamiphobic is all like, "Hey, why does your girlfriend want army pants? Doesn't Pakistan make army pants?"
And I'm all, "Cuz she wants to be like me, duh."
Then Angelo said, "Is she even your girlfriend? Didn't you guys break up?"
Then I'm all, "Well yeah, we broke up but now we're doin' it so like, yeah, she's my lady."
"Ladyfriend or girlfriend?"
"I guess girlfriend."
"Oh. Are muslims allowed to date before marriage?"
"Yeah."
"But not in Iran, right?"
"Something like that."
Then Angelo's was all, "She isn't even American."
So I was all, "Well yeah. She lives in Canada. She's my secret girlfriend my other girlfriend doesn't know about. She don't know about my other girlfriend too. I gotta get her these pants, see, so she doesn't get suspicious about the other girlfriend not knowing that she's my only girlfriend."
"Getting her pants to get in her pants, eh?"
"I'm already in her pants."
"Because she makes you do her laundry."
"Precisely."
"Well the way I see it, since she's your girlfriend and all, she doesn't owe me a dime."
"Not a dime?"
"Not a dime."
"Wait- did you say that or did I say that?"
"Say what?"
"Not a dime."
"We both did."
"Precisely."

And so the matter was dropped. The Muslimess received her US Army issue pants and the issue was never discussed...

Later, Angelo was fiending for coke. He'd been drinking all night and was cringing in boredom. He needed that $40.00; God help him. So he did what he did. Can I say he is wrong? Who knows. Maybe its the immigration policies of this Great Nation that are wrong. Maybe its the fiercely addictive nature of cocaine. All I know is we need to do something people. Now is not the time to sit around waiting for things to be done for us. We need action. We need change. We need Obama.

Thank you.

-Jesus Pescado '10