FBP

For all y'all in the erria round New Ohleyanz, you're "sick and tired of being sick and tired" [Mystikal, 1995] and claim you "ain't that [fella] to [mess] with" [Mystikal, 1995]. These limey pirates at British Petrol (umm, it's pronounced GASOLINE) still think it's the War of 1812 and they can F with the proudly American Gulf of Mexico. We no longer need Michael-Moore-type-a-fellas to tell us oil companies suck and are comprised of evil, evil people that make the toughest gangs in NOLA look like Habitat For Humanity.

Now we have something special to look forward to. Not crawdads, skrimps or even grouper (DYK: Arabs love GoM grouper). Hate to break it to you, but for the next 6 years jambalaya will be called rice. What we can be excited about is the up and coming fight between President Barack Obama and BP's CEO Tony Hayward.

Unless Obama comes down with a bad case of AIDS or something, he's gonna beat the crap out of Hayward. Hayward is a little shrimp with no street smarts. After all, he messed with the people of New Orleans. The only being that can mess with the Neworleanese and live to tell the tale is God. Word has it, residents of the 8th Ward still have a picture of God pinned to a wall with some creepy voodoo shit around it. I think they want Him dead and are looking for ways to summon Him. Nietzsche tried to do that. He gave up and tried to say God was dead anyway. Then, as everyone knows, God killed Nietzsche. I've digressed. The point is Hayward is stupid. He's gonna get waterboarded, butt raped and shot by a bunch of thugs. He should have thought about that before he took shellfish away from a bunch of people that don't have much more than shellfish. They got a lot of beads and dope freestyles, but you know what I'm saying.

DISCLAIMER: If this is in anyway a threat to Mr. Hayward, you have misunderstood my point.

MY POINT: Obama said he's gonna kick Tony's ass.

MY SECOND POINT: Tony's a stupid name. It makes it sound like you still pick your nose and fart in shop class a lot. Get a real name like Antwon.

So I'm gonna be taking bets if anyone wants to bet on Hayward (fat chance!). I'll give you 200 to 1. I'm also talking to White House officials and our friends at Foxwoods Casino to get this match on Pay-Per-View.

Your pal,
Jesus Pescado

P.S. The Gulf of Mexico is not a "big ocean", Tony. It's not even an ocean. It's a gulf. Shut your limey mouth. It'll hurt less when Obama shoves his fist at it... bitch.

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